Chairman Ralph If he sang one of his songs, he sang them all. Each contained and was quite limited to the theme of Apathy. His songs had a smooth monotony to them. He accompanied himself in an utilitarian manner. Singing through a cheap mic. Dead chords on a cheap Yamaha guitar.


HAHAHA

His songs possessed a rhythmic consistency. "Lilting" sounds too delicate. It was bouncy, but bludgeoning at the same time. Melodically, there was....well...I'm not going to flatter the man...there was no melody; there was only spoken word, emphasizing where he stressed things guitar-wise.

As a casualty of the corporate world (particularly the advertising business), his lyrics dealt directly with the economy of a disenfranchised, over weight, middle-aged white man's mind, as was his luck to still be on the bottom of the proverbial totem pole. He maintained that the world (corporate shams and otherwise) didn't give a shit. Not that it owed it to him. No, he was way beyond that stage in the mosaic construction of his neuroses. (Yes, no enthusiastic shouts "Fuck The Man!" spat forth mid-song.)

He wasn't melodramatic. Don't get me wrong; he wasn't that funny either. His song, "Mission Statement," captured the absurdity of the corporate world best, tossing in "Natural male enhancements for Bob!" His wife...dear God...I could never forget how truly large this woman was. I suspect she weighed in excess of four hundred pounds (maybe five). He affectionately referred to her as the "Budgey Manager," and talked to her in the audience between most of his songs. He seemed to really love her. She seemed to be his reason, if you will.

Can I say that Chairman Ralph was a good musician? Was he somebody I wanted to be listening to, bored out of my mind, on a Saturday night? Was he changing the world? No, no, and no. But I think his music performed (inadvertently, I suspect) an uncanny act of mimesis on the subjects he dealt with. That is, if the world didn't give a shit, then he displayed the same sentiment in return. If the daily monotonous grind was all the world had to offer him, he was only going to offer the same doldrums musically. It wasn't good. But I had to ask myself, "If this was pretty sounding, would it really fit? If Jerry Bruckheimer shot a film in Hillsdale, would it really fit?"

So that was Chairman Ralph.

Imaginary convo:

Riley: So here's my song (presents lyrics).

Steve: Do you really feel like 'your heart will never love again'? It seems kind of maudlin.

Riley: I guess I don't really feel that way. I don't know why I wrote it like that.

Steve: Well, I mean, Johnny Cash never shot a man in Reno either.

Riley: He didn't?!

Steve: ....  ¶ 8:26 PM