Want Ad Through a camera lense...faux velour backdrop...male, moderately overweight, 40-something appears in front of the camera with significant balding apparent:

Ahem *cough, cough*...this better be on...

*jiggles the camera - turns it off, then back on*

Okay, my names Ryan Leng...I'm uh...36 years old. I'm five-foot siii-nine. As you can tell, I used to be in really good shape. I like kids...well, I guess I don't like like kids. More of uh, you know, rot-their-teeth-out-with-candy irresponsible uncle type...you know, I'm fun...um...I think its important to be fun at this age. I mean, sure a lot of dads are responsible, but come on! that's been done before...I'm fun...did I say that? ...um, I was in a band...back in highschool...we uh, came in second at the Battle of the Bands...which was pretty good, considering the band that won was Nirvana. Nobigdeal or nothing. You'll be happy to know that I've completed 4 of 5 rehab programs...I am a professional soccer coach at the elementary school level. I pretty much like girls who pay attention to me when they're sober...that's a bonus...you know, scratch that...pretty much if you're still watching this tape, call me.


  ¶ 9:50 PM