fingerdicking I am a doting man up to a certain point concerning modern slang. That certain point hopefully (unlikely) lies just short of smug as fuck. For instance, I know and use the word fingerdicking (no hits on google image search. sorry), which, is hard to define in a sentence or two, but is done aptly here. Say I rolled over my phone charger with my chair. This particular phone charger has a typical pin insertion thingy which probably has a propername but I'm too lazy to figure it out. Here's a picture so you can get the idea. Anyway, I bent the little insertion thingy. The charger still kind of worked, but no, I don't know the meaning of "kind of." It's either working or not working. Brilliantly, I stuck a needle into the insertion thingy to try to straighten it out. It didn't make much of a difference, but I had a better idea. Heat it up with your bic, then bend it with the needle! Surely it would work, so I heated it up. Unforseen, the tiny plastic tip on the insertion thingy melted completely over the tip and hardened before I could stick the needle back in. Slightly flustered, I panicked momentarily, then composed myself with more flame from my bic. Once again, the plastic melted, then hardened before I could puncture it with my needle I repeated these steps a few more times until I finally punched through it with the needle. Unfortunately, the new hole was too small for my cell phone, so I had to heat it up again (wisely with the pin still in it, mind you). As I was working the needle back and forth surgically, the heat had made the needle malleable enough to break off whilst still inside the little insertion thingy. Realizing defeat, I decided to melt the plastic tip over top the insertion thing once again, just so my fingerdicking episode would not seem halfassed.

Then there is the proverbial chotch. The word was introduced into my vocabulary long after I had met all the chotches I currently know. I think urban dictionary also provides the most detailed and accurate description of a chotch. Here it is. Chotch = Generic, well-dressed, slightly meathead-ish dude who only cares or knows about bars, chicks, and looking good. Gel, vertical striped shirts, designer jeans, and sleek black shoes are a must. In middle school, chotches wore "No Fear" and "Coed Naked" T-shirts; in high school, white baseball caps and all Abercrombie; in college, visors, wife beaters, and cargo shorts. Chotches are 'huge' football fans, but end up checking their cell phones more than paying attention to games on TV. And a true chotch almost certainly received Scarface on DVD this last Christmas. I saw at least seventeen chotches last night at Lucky Bar or Drop the vertical striped shirt right now, dude, or I'm going to start mistaking you for that chotch on the Real World. I mean, at least the emo and goth kids get by most of my scorn just by virtue of bewildering me. The chotch has no warm place in my heart. They made me feel bad growing up for having a large Adam's Apple
and bacne. The problem with chotches is that they are on the good side of the social scale (assholes, douchebags, etc. are not on the good side.) So it's very trying to make a solid case against a chotch, because they come off as nice as a George W. Bush or a Cuba Gooding Jr. But you really only remember them as the ones whipping you with a wet towel after gym class.

I would also like to commemorate yesterday's two very chotch-like sports moments. Yesterday was the Carolina Hurricanes' day to win the cup and they did it handily. Congrats to Brindamour and Wesley for finally getting to hoist the cup. Moving on, yesterday also was the sad 20th anniversary of Len Bias' overdose on cocaine. Bias was the 1986 first draft pick of the Boston Celtics, who was touted as the next Michael Jordan. He O.D.ed before he even suited up for a game. Him + Larry Bird + the rest of the Celtics and you might have had a very different NBA. A much forgotten case in basketball, but one of those defining moments. Just think. If Len Bias had taken away some of that spotlight from Michael Jordan, we'd have never gotten Space Jam.

Studio session three. Tomorrow. 10-4
  ¶ 8:03 PM