Friday, May 26, 2006
Gripes 3.0 - The Evangelical Factor
New look, new gripes...this one is themed.
Top ten gripes with Evangelicals...these should pretty much explain themselves. Just keep in mind that this was how I was raised. Fresh in my mind, back from a trip into Mexico with a bunch of them. These are from a serious Christian...not intended to be deep. Just some thoughts.
1. "Popcorn Prayer." Have you heard of this? Have you done it? I have...or tried. It's where everybody in the group prays in no specific order with no limits to how many times they say something or how long they say it. There is this tendency to get interrupted...
Me: "I uh...
Ev: "IjustthankyouGodsomuchforallowingustobeheretoday..."
Me: *fuck*
2. "I may miss the mark, but..." This is what happens when a good Christian (not living in sin) "sins" at a frequency of two, maybe three, but no more than four times a month.
3. "Strongholds." no explanation needed.
4. "How's your walk?" Dave covered this, but it bothers me too.
5. "Living in sin." Some people aren't sinning/don't sin, apparently...the straight people, that is.
6. "Relying on God/Turing it over to God." Too vague, too obtuse...how do I "turn something over to God" or "rely on him"? No one has really been able to answer these questions, so why do people even talk about such asinine notions?
7. Youth group. Christian dating service.
8. "It's all about God." Fine, except when followed by statements such as "The worship didn't do anything for me today," or "the sermon really refreshed me this morning." Can't have it both ways.
9. Bibles. This is a three-parter. Get ready for it:
Gripes 1, Gripes 2
Currently listening to:
¶ 10:33 AM 
Top ten gripes with Evangelicals...these should pretty much explain themselves. Just keep in mind that this was how I was raised. Fresh in my mind, back from a trip into Mexico with a bunch of them. These are from a serious Christian...not intended to be deep. Just some thoughts.
1. "Popcorn Prayer." Have you heard of this? Have you done it? I have...or tried. It's where everybody in the group prays in no specific order with no limits to how many times they say something or how long they say it. There is this tendency to get interrupted...
Me: "I uh...
Ev: "IjustthankyouGodsomuchforallowingustobeheretoday..."
Me: *fuck*
2. "I may miss the mark, but..." This is what happens when a good Christian (not living in sin) "sins" at a frequency of two, maybe three, but no more than four times a month.
3. "Strongholds." no explanation needed.
4. "How's your walk?" Dave covered this, but it bothers me too.
5. "Living in sin." Some people aren't sinning/don't sin, apparently...the straight people, that is.
6. "Relying on God/Turing it over to God." Too vague, too obtuse...how do I "turn something over to God" or "rely on him"? No one has really been able to answer these questions, so why do people even talk about such asinine notions?
7. Youth group. Christian dating service.
8. "It's all about God." Fine, except when followed by statements such as "The worship didn't do anything for me today," or "the sermon really refreshed me this morning." Can't have it both ways.
9. Bibles. This is a three-parter. Get ready for it:
- There is a certain kind of Bible in possession of a certain soon-to-be youth pastor. It is smaller, in horrible condition, old-school looking, tons of underlined text. He found it under a seat cushion while making out with his girlfriend after youthgroup.
- Another kind, is the huge, stern, Amish black, genuine imitation cowhide bound Bibles...matches Cadillac Jesus bought him.
- Greek/Hebrew study bibles in the possession of people who don't know or intend on learning either language. Strange, but these people are out there.
Gripes 1, Gripes 2
Currently listening to:
¶ 10:33 AM
